Passive-aggressive emails are not always intentionally offensive but the damage it does to the receiver is all but guaranteed. Communication over email and text eliminates the element of body language that usually allows the receiver to understand that you mean no harm. Often, people unfamiliar with formal workplace language turn to online examples of how to send an official email, resulting in a mail packed with all the outdated passive-aggressive email responses arranged in a single place. Using passive-aggressive phrases at work intentionally can often start in an unserious way, a way to communicate dissatisfaction without explicitly stating it, but over time it escalates into something serious anyway.
One would assume that “I look forward to hearing from you” would be a very polite and acceptable form of communication in the workplace but considering that people see it as a passive-aggressive phrase at work, it might be time to update our workplace vocabulary to better adapt to the shifting trends with the professional space.
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What Do People See as Passive-Aggressive Emails?
When it comes to passive-aggressive phrases in emails, it’s most often the tone or how something is said that feels offensive rather than what is being said in the email. Most passive-aggressive email phrases seem innocuous when you understand that someone is asking for assistance or making a reference to their previous email, but the phrases used have shifted from being formal to being sarcastic or condescending instead.
A study by TollFreeForwarding.com revealed the top 10 passive-aggressive phrases witnessed in emails and we were quite surprised by a few of them.
Please Advise
This is reportedly seen as a condescending reminder rather than a genuine request for assistance. This passive-aggressive email phrase could perhaps come across as instructions rather than a request and when you’re looking for input from another person, that might be a counterproductive start to the conversation.
Instead of saying “Please advise,” you could replace the passive-aggressive email example with a more sincere expression of interest in their opinion. Consider alternatives like:
- “What would you suggest?”
- “I would love to hear/appreciate hearing your thoughts on this.”
- “I’d appreciate your input on this issue.”
- “Could we discuss your thoughts on this matter?”
- “Your insight on the matter would be really appreciated.”
Kind regards
Closing an email with “Kind regards” can make you appear cold and distant. More authentic and warm closing words might serve you better when sending out your official emails. Depending on your relationship with the receiver and how formal your workplace is, you might want to consider some other alternatives while signing off your email without making it too casual or dismissive.
Certain terms like “Cheers” might still be acceptable in a professional space but more so with someone you are familiar with already. Some alternatives to consider to this passive-aggressive email phrase include:
- “Best Wishes”
“All the best” - “Sincerely”
- “Warmest Regards”
- “With Gratitude”
- “Cheers”
Friendly reminder
According to the survey, this phrase is highly misleading and does not sound very friendly in emails. It conveys a condescending attitude to the receiver and often indicates that you don’t believe they’d be able to remember the point on their own. Even if your intention in using it is non-offensive, it might not seem that way to the receiver. It might be better to confirm your appointment or the dates of the deadline you wanted to send in the reminder instead or find a way to change the tone from a passive-aggressive email to an understanding one. Some phrases to consider instead include:
- “I just wanted to confirm that we will be meeting at [time] on [date]. Please let me know if there are any changes.”
- “Just a quick note…”
- “I’d appreciate any inputs you have by [date] so we can have the team make the changes by the deadline.”
- “Just sharing a quick message about the event.”
- “Reconfirming the details before I send the email to [boss/client/teammate]”
I Look Forward to Hearing from You
This entry to the “top 10 passive-aggressive phrases” has us the most surprised as it doesn’t necessarily convey any negative intentions. In most situations, it might be alright to use the phrase when it comes to conversations that don’t have an immediate deadline. You might look forward to hearing from someone on a potential strategy or plan for the future and merely want insights on it. In situations where the receiver’s reply might be needed quickly, using these sorts of passive-aggressive phrases at work might make it seem like you’re pressuring them to revert to you immediately.
Consider expressing the sentiment in a way that shows your interest in the content of the response instead of how quickly they can work on the matter. You might want to avoid saying this or any other variation of it entirely to avoid creating a problem as alternate phrases might convey the same sense of pressure instead of enthusiasm. However, if you do choose to use a similar phrase, here are some options to consider:
- “I’m keen to know your thoughts on the new plan.”
- “I look forward to your feedback so we can fine-tune our strategy better.”
- “Excited to hear your thoughts about [issue]”
- “Looking forward to your opinion on this.”
- “I’m eager to discuss this with you soon.”
Pay Attention
Receiving any passive-aggressive phrases in emails can be irksome, but “pay attention” is truly off-putting. It conveys an order rather than a suggestion or request and few people take kindly to being talked down too. If you want to draw the receiver’s attention to a particular detail, simply go ahead and discuss the detail without using a phrase that indicates they weren’t concentrating enough before you came along. Explain what you need to discuss and let that guide your conversation instead:
- “I wanted to highlight…”
- “This stood out to me so I thought to bring it up with you.”
- “I’d like to place an emphasis on…”
- “We might have to take into account the matter of…”
- “It occurred to me that this detail might be useful to highlight.”
Make Sure
I think we might be sensing a theme here in terms of why this is seen in passive-aggressive emails. The term “make sure” is instructional and full of command, providing an order to the receiver to do their job properly. People might have already intended to make sure of something but having it spelt out like this can be patronizing, especially when it comes from a colleague and not a senior or boss at the company.
These passive-aggressive email examples need to be replaced with options that convey your understanding and support for the matter and frame your email as a suggestion rather than a demand.
- “May we take a moment to verify…”
- “I’d suggest…”
- “We could consider…”
- “I believe this should be addressed on a priority basis”
- “We might find it helpful to start with…”
- “It may be worth checking on…”
Per Our Conversation
Passive-aggressive emails may often feature this phrase, conveying a sense of annoyance towards the receiver as though you’re put off by having to repeat yourself. It’s most likely that the receiver already knows that you might be referring to points you have already discussed but if you’d like to direct attention to a specific part of a past conversation, especially if it took place a while ago, then consider replacing it with a different phrase that doesn’t feel as passive-aggressive:
- “In continuation of our conversation around [topic]”
- “I wanted to follow up on our recent discussion”
- “I had a few thoughts regarding our earlier exchange about [topic]”
- “From what I remember from our last conversation”
- “In light of our discussion”
Future Reference
There are many different uses for this phrase and ways it could be interpreted. If your intention to use it is to provide instructions for the next time a situation occurs, then try to be more polite in how you phrase it to really drive the point home. Saying “for future reference” is rather curt and abrupt so a more simple and friendly approach in its place might ensure you are not known as the passive-aggressive email sender at your workplace.
- “To streamline our future projects, we could consider…”
- “Should we need it in the future, I recommend…”
- “In preparation for future roadblocks, I’d suggest we…”
- “In anticipation of changes to the original strategy…”
- “With consideration for future circumstances…”
CC-ing
When used in an email, CC-ing reportedly makes the receiver feel like an outsider has to be invited to supervise the conversation, like “calling your mother when you’re misbehaving” according to TollFreeForwarding.com. This is an understandable reaction to the phrase and it’s no wonder it is treated as a category in passive-aggressive emails. If the conversation really requires a third person to be included in the conversation, try providing a simple explanation for your reason behind adding the person in, so the receiver can see why there is a need. Alternatively, you could also ask the individual before you add another person to the email chain. Instead of just saying “CC-ing” you could write:
- “I’m adding [Name] to the conversation as they need the material to prepare for the presentation.”
- “Adding [Name] to the chain so they don’t miss out on any updates.”
- “[Name] had some inputs on the project. CC-ing him here so he is able to add to the discussion as well.”
- “Keeping [Name] in the loop in case they want to chime in with any suggestions”
Going Forward
This one quite obviously sounds very ominous, like you’re about to provide them with an ultimate that they better not fail. While the formal language in a professional email is all but expected, we sometimes lose track of where the line between official and curt lies. Even if there are instructions that need to be conveyed that should be treated with seriousness next time, it should preferably be done in a way that convinces the receiver rather than intimidates them.
- “As we move ahead on this project…”
- “Some pointers to consider before the next client meet…”
- “In the later phase, some things to prioritize…”
- “As we come across more roadblocks, I’d like…”
- “For our next course of action, let’s…”
These passive-aggressive email phrases have given us much to consider in regard to how we communicate over email. It’s hard to predict what phrases might be added to the list over time but anything that is said too frequently has the potential to become overused and bring on unpleasant memories. While prioritizing being kind in an email, try to find different ways to express your thoughts rather than repeatedly sticking to these typical phrases over and over again. Once you do realize that something has slipped into the realm of being a passive-aggressive email response, try to find alternatives to it as well.